


If You're A Burglar, And I'm A Burglar...

by anchan



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Burglar AU, M/M, Oneshot, funny not funny, prompt from tumblr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-05
Updated: 2014-09-05
Packaged: 2018-02-16 06:16:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2259087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anchan/pseuds/anchan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>... then who's the owner of the house?</p>
<p>AU, where Eren and Levi are two separate burglars who break into the same house by accident.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If You're A Burglar, And I'm A Burglar...

**Author's Note:**

> Needed to keep on writing as practice, but I don't have any inspiration so here's a oneshot based on a prompt on Tumblr. 
> 
> I don't know if anyone has written anything like this before though huhu...
> 
> Enjoy! (I hope.)

There were no lights streaming out from the windows. Not a hint of life in the house. Even the streets were deadly silent.

Eren Jaeger, 19 years old, bad boy wannabe. 

_This is it_ , he thought, his gloved fists clenched, _that horse-face won’t be able to live with himself if – **when** I succeed this burglary._  

Yes, Eren Jaeger, 19 years old, bad boy wannabe, was about to perform his first ever crime (because of a stupid bet).

Pfft, it wasn’t going to be anything big, he would probably just quietly break in, grab a wallet or two, and waltz right back out. No traces left behind, no serious consequences either. He’ll even leave behind their identity cards and condoms or whatever it is that are inside their wallets. He would be known as the most considerate burglar in Trost.

The brunet stealthily climbed up the water pipe that led to the nearest window. Stealthily, he insists, despite the many near missteps and foot-slips.

Eren could see an empty nursery, the toys haphazardly thrown to one side, as if whoever cleaned the place was in a rush. The glass window was unlatched, and he easily opened it. It was only after he squeezed through the window frame that he realised that he could have saved the trouble of climbing up the slippery water pipe by simply going through a window that was downstairs. Now his burglar outfit was dirty and damp. To think he even sought Armin’s help to coordinate the perfect attire too.

A quick scan around the room and he decided nothing was worth taking here. Now, where do people usually place their goods?

(Shut up, he’s still getting the hang of talking in burglar-slang.)

Tip-toeing (that’s how it’s done right?) his way through the room, Eren was just about to reach the door when he decided that it was too damn tiring to tiptoe everywhere and changed his walking to his normal gait.

See, this is why he’s wearing socks. He can walk normally without making a single sound. He had left his shoes neatly arranged right beside the water pipe outside.

Feeling immensely proud of himself, Eren reached out his hand to turn the doorknob.

His sock-covered right foot stepped right in the stomach of a plush teddy bear and it let out a squeal of pain (fine, it’s just a thing these type of toys do, but hey, Eren was completely shocked out of his skin, ok?)

He nearly tripped in his multi-task of lifting up his foot, covering his mouth to muffle his shriek and balancing himself. He stood silently for a minute in his awkward position, eyes and ears alert for any sign of the house’s occupants awakening.

The air continued to be still. Letting out a breath he didn’t realise he was holding, Eren nudged away the offending teddy bear with his toe and opened the door. 

Not willing to risk anything, he decided to stick with the trusty tip-toeing method of walking. After all, look what walking normally had done to him. It scared him to bits, that’s what.

There were two other doors and a staircase leading downstairs. Not wanting to risk rousing the occupants anymore than he already had, Eren decided that maybe taking some expensive silverware from the kitchen would suffice for his first burglary attempt.

Eren tip-toed his way down the stairs, his movements painstakingly slow. It was dark in front of him, and he couldn’t help it when he began to over think the situation.

 

_Oh God, what if there’s something down there waiting for me?_

_Oh my God, what if there’s a ghost in this house?_

His eyes had become adjusted to the darkness by then, and he swore he could see something move at the corner there.

Eren’s heart was pounding wildly in his chest (and not in the good, doki-doki way, either.) He willed himself to calm down and think rationally. The mind tends to play tricks on the eyes in the dark after all.

Of course there’s nothing moving in the corner there. Of course there was no sound other than the tick-tocking of the wall clock and his own breathing. Of course there was no dark figure climbing up the stairs right in front of him, face looking to the side-

 

_OH MY GOD, THERE’S A GHOST IN FRONT OF ME!_

“AAH-!” Before his very manly scream could continue any longer, the thing in front of him covered his mouth with a gloved palm.

“Keep quiet, and I won’t hurt you.”

Eren’s eyes were wide open in terror, but he nodded his head shakily. Now that the thing was up close, he realised it was simply another person. Nothing to worry about. Except...

“Oh shit, please don’t call the cops on me!” Eren mumbled frantically to the male before him, mouth still covered.

“... What?” The hand covering his mouth moved away.

“I swear, I wasn’t going to steal anything valuable! Maybe some silverware or something, but nothing too expensive! Please, please give me a chance, I won’t do it again! Armin and Mikasa will kill me if they find out about this, and they will if you call the police! I haven’t taken anything yet, so-“ 

“Shut your fucking mouth!” the man hissed at him. Eren promptly did as he was told to. “This isn’t your house?”

Eren shook his head mutely.

“You sneaked in here to steal stuff?”

Eren hesitated for a moment before nodding his head.

“Well fuck.”

Eren tilted his head questioningly.

“If you’re a burglar, and I’m a burglar...” Eren’s eyes widened at the man’s statement, “Then who’s the owner of the house?”

The moment the man’s question left his lips, a light from one of the rooms upstairs turned on. Clumsy footsteps made their way closer to the door.

The fellow burglar grabbed Eren’s hand. “Run!” He whispered, tugging at his hand.

Mind still reeling from the sudden turn of events, Eren finally got the message and scrambled after the man. In tip-toes. 

“Why the fuck are you tip-toeing? You think you’re a freaking ballerina or something?” The man glanced behind him, pulling Eren’s arm harder to hurry him along. “I’m not going to get caught because of your silly antics, brat.”

Wha-! This shorty is rude with a capital R.

“I’ll have you know that tip-toeing is a trusty method of walking to ensure no sound can b - Oof!”

Eren was unglamorously shoved out of the house through an open window in the kitchen. The shorter man climbed out and landed next to him gracefully.

From inside the house, Eren heard footsteps rushing towards them. “Burglars!” A male’s voice shouted.

The shorter male grabbed Eren’s hand again, dragging him away from the house. They were near the front gate and only had to climb over it and they were going to be scot-free-

“Wait!” Eren tugged his hand out of the man’s tight grip. “My shoes! I left them at the back of the house beside the water pipe!”

Outside, under the streetlights, Eren could now clearly see the man’s face. And right now, that face was a mix of irritation and incredulity. “Why the fuck would you take off your shoes?!”

It was a rhetorical question, but Eren doesn’t do rhetorical.

“Well, socks work a lot better when you’re-“

The man’s glare could freeze Hell 10 times over. The two of them ran to the back of the house, no longer giving a damn about stealth or trying to keep quiet.

Eren grabbed his shoes and attempted to quickly put them on but of course, the rude, short man had no patience. The owner of the house was now outside, waking up the entire neighbourhood with his war cries.

Eren was again grabbed and dragged along by the man and this time, he was shoved into a car. A bulky male with a crew cut spotted them and yelled profanities while charging towards the car.

 

_Oh Holy Maria,_ Eren internally gaped, _I was going to steal from this guy? I’d be squashed into mashed potatoes if I got caught!_

The car vroomed into life and, seconds before the house owner caught up to them, the car sped away.

 

**(** **○** **｀** **ε´** **○** **)** **／＼** **(** **○** **｀** **ε´** **○** **)**

It was 5 minutes of painful silence before Eren finally gathered the courage to speak.

“Well, that was quite the adven-“

“Shut up." 

“Okay.”

...

Geez, he couldn’t even bother turning on the radio or something. Eren bit back any sarcastic remark he had and settled for observing the man who had saved his life (albeit, unwillingly).

Black hair, grey eyes, pale skin, short stature.

“What’s your name?” Eren tried again.

“Where do I drop you at?” The man avoided his question easily. 

“Shiganshina Street is fine. I’m Eren. So how long have you been in this business?” The brunet persevered.

“A brat like you shouldn’t be doing this shit. Go home, reflect on your actions, then forget about what happened today.”

“Aw, c’mon. At least give me a name to call you by.”  
  
The man sighed. “Levi,” he finally bit out. 

Eren hummed thoughtfully. “I guess your parents are big fans of their jeans, huh?” He chortled at his own joke, stopping short when he received a glare from Levi. “Sorry.”

“We’re here. Do what I told you to, not what I do.” Levi’s voice was laced with a warning tone.

“You’re actually a pretty nice guy, Levi.”

His comment earned a snort from the person himself. “I know. Are you going to get out of my car now?”

Eren’s hand twitched from where it was resting on the door handle. “Um, maybe next time, we could do this together? As partners?" 

Levi sighed. “Get out, Eren.”

Hearing his name come out of his lips actually made his heart beat a little faster. “I will. But you won’t be able to keep me out of your life, Levi.”

A winsome smirk and then Eren had exited the car, walking away, heart fluttering in his chest. He couldn’t believe he had said something so embarrassing.

Left alone in his vehicle, Levi was now left thinking of that cute green-eyed brunet he happened to meet during one of his heists.

 

...

 

They didn’t encounter each other at all for 3 months. And when they did, it was in another person’s house, during another unbelievable occasion of them separately breaking into the same house at the same time.

 

“Stop tip-toeing!”

“I’m telling you, it works!”

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, you finished reading it \\(^o^)/
> 
> Comments or criticisms make me happy!
> 
> http://hello-anchan.tumblr.com/


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